What My Brain Thinks, My Body Believes

I have been on a mission to understand as much about Dr. Joseph Dispenza’s teachings as I can without paying to go to one of his retreats.  I’m reading his books, listening to interviews and doing his free meditations on a podcast platform.

I am starting to see patterns in myself (I explained some of them in my post Safety in Sadness)

Now I am going deeper.

“People get addicted to the rush of emotions that they feel when they think about a problem or a bad memory.”  I think it’s because for years I was walking around dead inside and so any rush of emotion felt like a drug, I was dying to feel SOMETHING.  I became addicted to returning to the stress feelings. If I didn’t have problem, I would resurrect a bad memory.  Monotonous days of work, laundry, and dinner didn’t give me the charge that my thoughts did.

I am addicted to having big feelings. 

I still have my journals from when I was 13 years old.  I can see clear patterns of over analysis and a need to understand the “why” of everything. I can also see the budding distrust of happiness.

I now believe that happiness is always an option.  Another lesson from Dr. Joe…

Every time I have a thought, my body makes a chemical.  If I have a happy thought my brain communicates to my body, “we are happy.”  The same thing happens when I have a negative thought.  My brain is sending chemicals to my body, and I have a feeling associated with that thought.  My brain believes it, and so does my body.

It takes some effort, but I have become very aware of the direct correlation between my thoughts and the way my body feels!!!

The perfect example is when I hear a song from my college days, I’m instantly transported back to CMU… big hair, full of hope and confidence, and I feel joy!  Before that song came on, I was not in that place at all.  But in a matter of seconds my brain and body chemistry changes.  Music has a huge impact on my emotions.  I especially love listening to the soundtracks from my favorite movies because it gives me the feelings along with mental images. I can FEEL a complete change in body chemistry!

There’s a scene in the movie Pride and Prejudice where the mother, Mrs. Bennet, is horribly upset that Elizabeth has turned down Mr. Collins’ marriage proposal. She thinks the families reputation is ruined forever! Dramatically, she takes to the bed. Too distressed to ever face anyone again, she will be miserable forever and life isn’t worth living. Watching, we feel her pain, it’s the end of the world for her. Later that same day, they get the news that Mr. Collins has found someone else to marry and their reputation is restored! Mrs. Bennet goes from moaning and crying in bed to leaping out of bed in joy the very second she hears the news!

This scene has stuck with me for years. Someone can be absolutely miserable, seemingly forever. And in one second… pop out of it completely and suddenly everything is fine.

I wondered, could it really be that easy to change the very fabric of my mental and physical state?  It turns out… it can be that easy. 

But first, I had a rock bottom moment.

Once again, it was because of Dr. Joe.  I was listening to him on a podcast while cleaning my kitchen and he said something like, “People wait for things to change so they can become the person they want to be.  When I have more money, when I have more time, I will change… BUT you will NEVER change unless YOU CHANGE.  You can’t expect the habits of your old, stuck, self to propel you toward the better person you want to be in the future.”

It's like a was struck by an arrow.

In one second, I became completely sick of my own shit.

I went to the mirror.  Staring for as long as I could stand it.

How would I ever be a full-time writer if don’t write every single day? “I’m sick of you, mirror girl,” I said.

How will my menopausal body ever get stronger if I don’t go to the gym? “I’m sick of you, mirror girl!”

I want romantic love, a healthy and strong body, a life full of art and music, I want to live in an inspiring place and surround myself with other deep thinkers and philosophers.

“Fuck you mirror girl,” you are the one who is holding us back from all of it.

If my brain doesn’t know the difference between thoughts that are real and thoughts I make up, then I CAN think that I am happy and FEEL happy.  I can think that I am capable and get my butt on the treadmill.  I can BELIEVE that I am a writer and sit down and write.

That was four months ago.

To be continued…